Tell me about your early life. Tell me about your beginnings.
Thank you. Well, I was born in Papaioea, Palmerston North. When I was born in Palmerston North Hospital, 1951, very few people except, say, the Māori community, used the word Papaioea for that lovely place—but now we use both words happily. And so that’s where I began, under the shadow of the Tararua Ranges there. And I grew up there, went to school there—primary, secondary school. I learned to appreciate it enormously because it’s a relatively flat city, so you’re obliged to bicycle to school, even intermediate or secondary school—in my case, Freyberg High School. That was 25 minutes away. And the wind of the Manawatū plains, the Rangitīkei plains, was against you as you biked to school—so you got compulsory free aerobic gym; by the time you started to bicycle home again, the wind had changed its mind and you were against the wind again, 25 minutes compulsory free aerobic gym right there. Everybody who lives in Palmerston North will tell you the same!
Can you say a little more about the family you were born into?
Yes, Mum and Dad were strong Anglicans, churchgoers, as were both my grandparents on both sides: St. Peter’s Anglican Church for my mother’s people, All Saints Palmerston North for my father’s people. My parents were married at All Saints Palmerston North; I was baptised there at nine months of age. And my siblings, Peter, Susie and Jude, they were all raised the same way. We went to parish Scout troop, or Guides. We had all that kind of good, solid Anglican Christian upbringing. And right the way back as far as we can see, there were Anglican Christian communities back to, I would say, beyond 10 generations, when we traced it all. So, that all came down to us there and expressed itself.
Dad and Mum took in Thai students from Massey University to stay with us for holidays. They were Colombo Plan students: food tech students, vets. We grew up, really, with Thai-speaking friends in our house. That shaped me a great deal: I reckon it prepared me for Volunteer Service Abroad in Fiji when I went after school in 1970. It was my parents’ attitude to international students, to the church, to their community: Dad was very strong in Rotary, Mum was very strong in the Birthright Organisation, helping single parents and their families; she was a social worker for them. So they had this strong, community-facing, faith-based, multicultural feel to it all.
I think the attitude they had then was that you should keep the basic values to the fore: social responsibility, family first—faith, hope and love, if you like—as the main form of grain in the wood. They were very strong on that, and they lived it out themselves. They weren’t perfect at all. But there was this really strong sense of other people being just about as important as your own family, and you should try to include them or work alongside them in as many community-facing projects as you have time for. Through Dad’s Rotary, Mum’s Birthright work, we were certainly given a social conscience. But it was faith-based. It was: You do this for God, for God’s people, for God’s world, and it doesn’t make sense without God. So, that was a very strong thing. It was a quiet, steady, sure home.
I joined the All Saints choir as a boy. My father and grandfather were in the choir. And I think singing in the choir as a boy internalised quite a lot of the Scriptures through hymns and songs and anthems. I found myself singing them automatically in the shower, so to speak. The phrase we have now, looking back, is: Don’t go through the Bible, don’t go through the church activities; let the Bible and the church activities go through you. In other words, internalise your faith, internalise your personal experience of God in Christ. And that was very important.
How did your faith journey unfold when you left home?
I went away on VSA after my Freyberg High School time to Fiji. I was living in a new low-cost housing estate called Natokowanga, near Lautoka, and I did a year’s social service volunteer work, mostly the Duke of Edinburgh’s Awards scheme, introducing it to the schools on the western side of the island. As an 18 year old, living alongside Hindu and Muslim Fijian Indians, as well as Fijian Methodists, made me start to question my faith, because I thought the Hindu, the Muslim people I met were as value-based or as humane, as loving, as the Fijian Methodists. Because I was the first and only European living in this low-cost housing estate, I was heavily influenced by, I suppose you’d say, the presence of Islam and Hinduism and Christianity together. When I got back from Fiji, into university at Massey (I was studying social science, education, psychology), I started to lose what I thought was my faith. For intellectual reasons, I couldn’t see that Christianity was unique. I do now! But I had lost my grip. And I entered into a period of atheism and agnosticism.
The following year, when I went to Canterbury University and College House hostel, I even further embraced the belief that God is a projection of us: We make God in our image—that was the view I held. And it meant I no longer said I was Christian. I would say I was in a kind of agnostic desert: no wellsprings, no meaning, it’s all relative, we make God up, it’s a fantasy, it’s a projection. And the social science of those days was quite strong on that view—they did not take supernatural reality into account at all. You know the old joke on a wall in an Oxford University philosophy department, it said: “God is dead… Marx is dead… I’m not feeling too good myself”. It’s that collapse of narrative, meta-narrative, of fundamental ontology; there’s no grain in the wood—it amounts to nothing ultimately, and it’s all about molecules in the end. So, I swallowed that, or at least took it seriously enough to distance myself. I still, strangely enough, went to chapel occasionally for social reasons in the hostel—it was an Anglican hostel. But I used to cross-examine the Christians, to persecute them with hard questions. But like Saul, shall we say, little did I know I was up for a similar conversion to his, Saul into Paul.
I left Canterbury with a BA in Social Science and Education, and came back to Massey to do postgraduate work and tutor in the Education Department. I was living at home with my parents, and I had a really unexpected epiphany, a really unexpected revelation of God. It was just amazing. Very long story short, I was working in the Borthwick’s Freezing Works in Fielding to raise money for university. I came home one night from Borthwick’s, having been on the mutton chain all day. It was late summer, and I was watering the garden outside my parents’ home. The sun was going down; I could smell the jasmine. And unexpectedly, and without any preparation whatsoever, I suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of the presence of the Creator. Just, you know, the God of Genesis, walking in the garden in the cool of the day, as it were—just amazing. It wasn’t a result of a sermon. It was not because I was reading a book. It was not because someone was putting pressure on me at all. I was just suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of presence, and it was so tangible and so unprepped. Some people would say you could create that for somebody by organising the circumstances: there was none of that. I suddenly saw one of my parents turn the light on in the kitchen. And I turned and looked at the light, and it suddenly spoke to me of God in Christ, the light of the world. So it wasn’t pantheism, it was definitely a Christian revelation. And I just remember saying: Yes.
Now, if you told me that two days before, I would have said, “You’re crazy. No, this kind of thing doesn’t happen.” It deeply embedded in me the truth that we are made in God’s image: it’s not the other way around. I didn’t create this. I wasn’t talked into it. I wasn’t susceptible either (except that, of course, our hearts are restless until they rest in God—that restlessness was there, I think). Now I look back, I think the faith of my childhood through my parents reasserted itself through God in that moment. That’s what got me. And so I decided to complete my master’s degree, finish as a tutor, and offer for ordination because of that—and I started going back to church.
So, you said Yes. And that meant yes all the way—to ordination!
It was the whole thing. I’m nowhere near the Paul league whatsoever; but it was like a Damascus road experience. One moment he’s not, one moment he is…. People argue successfully that Saul was being prepared. You could see he had witnessed Stephen’s death in martyrdom—that must have had a deep impression on him, even though he said nothing at the time. A lot of commentators say the blinding light on the Damascus Road had been sparked by a number of things through which God was moving him towards that moment. You notice the moment; but there are many providential preparations before it which you don’t notice at the time. And I think that was probably true of me. And I would underline the faith of my parents, because the first seven years [of childhood], and all that—that was reasserting itself.